


Tease

by WeHaveNone



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-02
Updated: 2014-07-02
Packaged: 2018-02-07 02:44:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1882101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeHaveNone/pseuds/WeHaveNone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You just love to tease Dirk, which always ends up with either hilarious reactions from your normally stoic boyfriend or him kissing you in an attempt to shut you up. You quite like both of those possibilities.</p><p>For Little_Blue_Star as a part of Drone Season 2014.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tease

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HallowedHeart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HallowedHeart/gifts).



> Thank you to [my moirail](http://archiveofourown.org/users/eleutheria_has_won/pseuds/eleutheria_has_won) for helping me with this! I seriously could not have done this without you.
> 
> Prompt was "Dirk is a weepy drunk."

Of all the things you have had to bear witness to in this relationship, you never expected this situation to arise. You are Jake English, and today you and your lovely on again, off again boyfriend are celebrating the raise he recently received. Exciting news, and yet...

One Dirk Strider, normally the cool and collected, stoic extraordinaire, is currently doing a very accurate impression of an approximately 175 lb toddler who misses their mother, and he is doing it all over you. He's been blubbering for the past fifteen minutes, and has yet to offer an explanation for his behavior, or even a string of intelligible words.

"Dirk," you begin, his hiccuping becoming more quiet as you speak, "Honestly, whatever could be wrong? I thought you would be happy today?"

"I am h-happy," Dirk sniffles, holding you tighter and pressing his face into your neck.

"Then why oh why are you crying so much? You're acting like a right rag-a-muffin!"

He quiets at this and seems to be struggling to catch a breath. Eventually, his head tips slightly back and he keens, "I just love you so mu-hu-hu-ch," before clinging to you once more.

"Oh schucks Dirk, are you really that completely soused?"

Instead of a reply, Dirk just burrows even further into your (now aching) collarbone and whimpers. Christ, he actually, god as my witness, whimpers. Oh lord have mercy. Dirk Strider, who often attempts to convince you his middle name is, in actuality, "Motherfuckin," and could incapacitate a bodybuilder in the blink of an eye, is a weepy drunk.

“I just don’t even know what I would do without you and you are the best thing to ever happen to me and please don’t ever leave me,” Dirk rambles, eventually fading into unintelligible mumbles and choked sobs. His pointy shades have started to fog up with all the tears, so you take them off, revealing the most bloodshot eyes you have ever seen and a truly pitiable expression. It makes your stomach drop a bit, to see him in such a state. At the same time...

You are going to have so much fun teasing him about this later!

After a little while longer of Dirk’s clingy confessions, you decide you’ve had enough public humiliation for one day- people are starting to stare as his wailing grows louder- and you call a cab to take you both back to your apartment. Once you get there, you tuck him into your bed, and he is out like a light. You sigh and lay down next to him, taking this rare opportunity to be the big spoon with cheerful enthusiasm.

You fall asleep listening to him breathe with your face pressed against the back of his neck.

 

* * *

 

The next morning you wake up with nary a headache nor hangover, seeing as you had only a little bit to drink the night before. Dirk, on the other hand, seems downright miserable, and groans into the pillow at the sunlight streaming through your blinds. You kiss his hair, and whisper a jolly and vaguely sing songy, “Good morning, sunshine!” into his ear. He apparently does not take too kindly to well meaning boyfriends simply trying to express cheer, and responds by huffing and throwing up a haphazard middle finger in your general direction.

Oh, this will not do.

Getting up, you fling open the curtains, throwing your arms wide and smiling brightly as Dirk turns to glare at you with awe.

“What the fuck, Jake?”

“Up and at'em, old boy!” You reply, smiling mischievously.

“Oh my god, I hate you so much. Get me some aspirin and close the curtains,” Dirk grumbles, rolling his face back into his pillow.

You purse your lips, and walk towards the bathroom, going to file around in the medicine cabinet. You call back towards the bedroom, “You know, Dirk, I don’t remember you hating me last night.” You shake out a couple of aspirin for your insufferable boyfriend, and fill him a glass of water from the tap before walking back into the room to stand beside his blanket covered form on the bed. You tap him on the shoulder, and he pokes out to swallow down the pills and gulp the water greedily. While you were getting his medicine, he had put back on his shades, which snag and get pulled askew by the covers; he makes no move to fix them until he is done with the water. He must be feeling pretty down! You briefly think about postponing teasing him about his behavior last night, but in the end it’s too much of a temptation! You have never been known to be patient.

“In fact,” you muse, watching his face out of the corner of your eye, “I’m fairly certain you told me that you loved me, and that I was the best thing to ever happen to you?”

You see Dirk’s face grow a bit paler in your peripherals as he fights to hold onto a steady grimace. Boy howdy, you do believe this is going to be even more amusing than you had first thought!

“Jake-” he begins in a warning tone, but you don’t let him finish.

“I do believe you even said that you have no idea what you would do without me! You practically begged me to never leave you as well. I had no idea I meant so much to you, Mr. Never-Show-Any-Emotion!”

At this point, Dirk is growling. “I was drunk off my ass. You can not seriously be teasing me about this. Do not make me bring up the fourth of July incident.”

You shudder at the thought. That day had not been one of your greatest nor most dignified. In fact, it was one of your least on both accounts and you had made Dirk swear to never speak of it again! If he thought mentioning that was going to stop you from getting in a good laugh at his expense, however, he was sorely mistaken. Dirk had made fun of you for weeks after that fateful day before dropping it! You deserve your revenge.

“Dirk, I’m shocked you would stoop so low. Have you no honor? And here I thought you were chivalry incarnate. Are you saying that you were lying last night?” You give him a pout that definitely does not have any insincerity or laughter behind it. Not one bit.

Dirk’s face is steadily getting more and more strained as you yammer on. You certainly do love riling him up sometimes! You realise this is most likely not the most healthy activity for a couple, but it works for you. It may be why your relationship is so constantly in flux... No, that definitely could not be it. You both just enjoy a good game of cat and mouse is all!

You open your mouth to resume badgering him, but instead Dirk grabs your face, a little rougher than normal, and slams his lips to yours, obviously tired of your teasing.

“You need to shut up,” he mumbles against your mouth. You respond to his kiss after a second of shock, moving your lips against his and opening your mouth eagerly when his tongue swipes across it. Your teasing often ends up like this, and that’s part of the reason you do it- the reactions you get from Dirk can be both hilarious and incredibly sexy. Speaking of, Dirk licks across your teeth gently, and you sigh softly. The kiss fades from harshly passionate to slow and unhurried, even a bit lazy. You are certain you will never get used to the taste of his mouth or the things his tongue on yours does to you, and you can’t say you quite mind. You slowly reach up and take Strider’s shades off his face, then swat your hand around a bit to locate the nightstand to set them down on it, one hand tangled in the hair on the back of his head.

You break apart, and stare into his eyes. Golly, that orange never ceases to make your heart flutter. The love behind those eyes now tell you that, though he would never admit it aloud, Dirk actually did mean all those things he said while utterly sloshed.

“I love you,” you whisper in response to the look in his beautiful eyes. Dirk just lowers his head to kiss you, softly and slowly. Your arms move up, one hand stroking his face and the other on the nape of his neck, petting the little hairs there.

Dirk guides you slowly back against the wall, never taking his lips from yours. His hands stroke up and down your sides, and as your back hits the wall softly, you drape a leg around your lover’s upper thigh, pulling him closer as you caress his jaw.

He pulls away from you and goes to attack your neck, but when he opens his eyes he grimaces and slumps against the wall, removing his hands from the wall on either side of you to rub at his temples.

“Close the fucking curtains,” he says gruffly.

“Oh! Sorry,” You move quickly to comply, having entirely forgotten about Dirk’s rowdy bout of drinking last night! You may trip over your own feet in your urgency, but Dirk definitely does not chuckle, because then you would not be giving him any sex and that would be a downright shame, now wouldn’t it.

Once the curtains are sufficiently closed and the room is dim as twilight, you move back to your lovely boyfriend, who gives you a small smile. “Better?” you ask as you wrap your arms around his middle and flutter your eyelashes at him in a telling display of the seductress you truly are.

Dirk restrains a smirk at your antics and lays his head on top of yours. “Mmm,” he mumbles into your hair, “Much.”

“Well then...” you start, leaning back to see his face and wiggling your eyebrows like a champ, “Where were we exactly?”

This time, Dirk does nothing to stop his smirk from transforming his face. “Hm...” he mutters lowly while placing his hands on your backside, “I believe we were about... here.” With that, he lifts you up into his arms and promptly sets your back against the wall. You don’t give out a small shriek of surprise because you are such a gentlemanly man, but even if you did it most certainly did not sound like a little girl at all. Instead of shrieking, which you again did not do, you wrap your arms and legs around Dirks body and give his smug look an exasperated smile.

Before you can say anything, your boyfriend sets upon you with a fire in his eyes. As he sucks at your neck, you let out a little sigh of happiness and move to grab a handful of beautiful blonde hair. He grinds his hips against you, and you gasp at the feeling of friction finally reaching your nethers.

You set your feet on the ground and push the blond’s chest until he stumbles back away from you, then keep pushing until his knees hit the bed and he flops onto it with a soft “oof.” You take moment of shock and use the opportunity to straddle him and attack his neck with a vengeance.

Dirk’s panting lightly by the time you start worming your way down his chest, kissing a line straight down.

“Tally ho!” you giggle, working your way to the zipper of the jeans Dirk drunkenly fell asleep in.

“Jake. No. Please, we have talked about this. No old timey slang in the bedroom,” Dirk groans, not hiding his smile as well as you’re sure he would have liked.

“Ah applesauce! Well jumping jehosaphat Dirk, you’re just fiddle faddling now! Are you sure the bank’s not just closed?” You ask, looking up at him with your patented Jake English smirk. Dirk assures you it looks much more like a chimpanzee grinning than an actual smirk, but you think you’ve got it down pat! Besides, he’s probably just jealous of your dashing good looks and smirking prowess.

Dirk’s head flops back against the bed, and he sighs. “Well, that’s it,” he remarks mournfully, “There goes my boner. You’ve killed it with your nonsense words. I hope you and the twenties are happy.”

“Hmmm,” you rub your chin thoughtfully, pretending to be in deep thought. “I must say Dirk, I do believe you may be lying to me. In fact...” you lightly brush a hand against the front of his jeans, feeling an obvious bulge and hearing a faint intake of breath from the blonde’s position upon the bed, “I’m almost one hundred percent certain you are!”

Dirk pushes himself up onto his elbows to stare down at you with a challenging look on his face. “Then prove it.”

Those words go straight to your gut, and you swallow thickly. Without another word, you unbutton his jeans and yank the zipper down, sparing no time for flair. You bring your head down to ghost a breath over his erection, and you hear him inhale softly. Smiling to yourself, you gently begin pressing kisses all around his clothed bulge, making sure not to touch it. You did say you like teasing him!

You glance up at him and he’s gone red in the cheeks, staring at you with obvious want in his eyes. Dirk grabs you by your shirt collar and hauls you up to sit on his lap, pressing his lips to yours and working his hand up your shirt to caress at your stomach and chest. With the other, he starts to shove your pajama bottoms down over your bum, which he then begins massaging. You giggle and pull away.

"Dirk," you laugh, "That tickles!"

His only response is to smirk and use the opportunity of your parted lips to pull your shirt all the way off of you, flinging it in the general direction of the hamper. "You're picking that up," you say, as he pushes you down onto your back and starts on one of his best attempts yet to leave you covered in love bites.

"Mhm," he grunts against your bare chest. You know he's most likely not going to pick it up, and you'll forget to pick it up for another week until you finally begin to miss it, but you can't really bring yourself to mind when your head is a haze of happiness and pleasure. You thread your hands through his hair once more in appreciation and pull, just the way you know he likes it. You feel him exhale out of his nose on your belly, and your lips quirk up.

"Dirk, dear," you huff- and when had your breath gotten so ragged? The things this man does to you, honestly- "why are you still in your clothes?"

Dirk pulls away from your abused skin with a pop that shouldn't be nearly as arousing as it is. "I thought it was your job to disrobe me, master English." His eyebrow is raised and you are not exactly excited about that. Just because you had wanted to try a little roleplay one time...

In retaliation you yank on his hair again, and once you're sure he's properly remorseful you kiss the soft spot where neck meets jaw. Working his shirt slowly up, you nip and suck at his neck, and he places one of his hands on your face to stroke it with his thumb while the other holds him up in his position over top of you.

“Get this off,” you command, tugging his shirt roughly up, and he complies without a word. You probably won’t find that one for a while either.

Without warning, Dirk’s arm no longer is supporting him, and he flops full weight on you, groaning.

“Um, Dirk...?” You try to move out from under him, but your efforts are futile, as he has gone full on dead weight.

“Too tired. Head hurts. Keep going,” he huffs this into your neck.

“Well then,” you shove at his shoulder, “get off of me! I can’t exactly continue with you pinning my arms!”

“Didn’t say that last time,” Dirk says, and you can feel his smirk against your neck, but he rolls over with a huff and looks at you with the laziest and sleaziest smile you have ever seen.

That comment deserved an eye roll, so you give it one while climbing over to straddle your vagabond of a boyfriend. “Do you want your shades back, princess?”

“Nah,” he says, smirking yet again, “You can just blindfold me.”

You blush. Honestly, what has gotten into him? Besides all that alcohol last night, of course. Grabbing his chin hard with one hand and attempting to yank his pants down with the other, you smash your lips against his to get him to cease his yabbering.

“Can you get your pants off, or are you too lazy for that as well?” You ask once you separate for air. He simply raises an eyebrow over squinted eyes and stares at you. Gah.

“Fine, you insufferable bastard,” you mumble while you give his nose a well deserved flick.

You pull at the waistband of his pants and he lifts his bum to help, eyes closed and an oh-so-faint smile on his face. After his pants are safely discarded in a random cardinal direction, you pull down Dirk’s boxers to his knees. You lick a small stripe from the base of his cock to the head, and his breath hitches just a bit. You smile and mouth the tip of his erection, occasionally pulling back to simply breathe lightly on its head.

Once he realizes you plan on doing nothing more than that for a while, Dirk sits up on his elbows and glares down at you. “What?” you ask oh so innocently, right around the tip of his penis, which twitches against your tongue when you lick it lightly, eyes still locked with your victim.

Dirk’s face has gone very pink- the shade you only see when you tease him like this- and he all but growls down at you when he grabs a handful of your hair and tugs hard enough to sting even your stalwart scalp. You gasp and take more of him in your mouth, spurned on by both his and your own need. You have a feeling this is going to go much faster than normal, what with Dirk’s impatience and the hardness of both of you. Why are you still wearing your pants, for that matter?

“Mmm,” You hum around him, bobbing your head hard and fast and twisting your tongue to get to all the spots you know make quick work of him.

“Fuck,” you hear him whimper as he falls back to lie against the bed again. You look up and he’s biting his knuckles with his eyes shut tight, and you smirk in satisfaction around his twitching dick. Dirk absolutely hates losing control of himself, and you endeavor to make him do so any chance you get.

Successful and not wanting this little adventure to end too quickly, you pull off of your boyfriend with a little pop, slobber and precum dribbling down your chin. He makes a smothered sigh of protest as you kick off your remaining clothes so you move up to kiss him, letting him taste himself in your mouth. His hand wander down to your now accessible erection and begin to tease you with slow, shallow pulls along the shaft. You sigh into his mouth and bite at his bottom lip, pulling it away and sucking on it. Your breathing- both of yours- sounds like an entire kindergarten class having asthma attacks at once, and that is not something you should be thinking of at all right now. You have obviously listened to Dirk’s rants too many times.

Your boyfriend pulls away and bites you earlobe before growling “Get the lube” straight into your ear, the sound reverberating down your spine and causing you to shiver. You really would comply, but he chooses this moment to start pumping you faster and harder, and you feel the need to stay exactly where you are as you pant with the pleasure and thrust into his grip.

He figures out that you are not moving anytime soon, and stops touching you entirely, smirking as he says in a smart tone, “Jake, you have to get it. I have a headache, remember?” You roll your eyes but reach over to the nightstand nonetheless, wanting to minimize the time where nothing is touching you or any of your sensitive parts.

“You know,” you lob the bottle as his smug little face, “I’m beginning to think you aren’t actually hungover at all.”

Dirk’s smirk only grows as he uncaps the bottle and slathers some of the jelly generously onto his fingers. “Mm,” he tugs you down closer to him by your neck, and kisses along your jawline. “The aspirin kicked in a while ago.”

You give him a disapproving glare that he can’t even see with his face buried in your neck and slap at the top of his head lightly, but you can’t find it in yourself to care all that much about your boyfriend’s ridiculous laziness and manipulation, especially as he begins to grope your plush rump with one hand and slide the slick fingers of his other around your asshole.

You force his head up from your neck to kiss him fervently, and hiss a “hurry up” into his open mouth before your tongues go back to fucking each other sloppily. Dirk slides a finger inside you in a flash, saving no time for slowness or fanfare, and you grunt at the sudden intrusion. His hand moves to your front to stroke you again as he slowly begins moving his finger inside you, stretching you in a familiar yet at the same time unfamiliar sensation.

Eventually you nod at him in silent consent to continue, and he presses another finger into your body, giving more attention to your cock to distract you. You groan as he works his fingers both inside of you and on your erection, and tell him to just get on with it as your desire grows.

He raises his eyebrow at you from his position beneath you but doesn’t say a word, simply gripping you tighter and working a third finger oh-so-slowly to join the company of the first two. You are almost completely fine with this last intrusion until he starts scissoring and moving his fingers in and out, and you have to stay very still for a moment until your body adjusts to the sensation and you can yet again relax. You let out the breath you hadn’t realized you were holding and pant, once again feeling the euphoria of being played with so completely.

When he feels your muscles loosen, Dirk’s hand leaves your erection to grab your face and pull it down towards his. You can’t especially bring yourself to care about the precum he smears on your chin, what with his fingers still working tirelessly inside of you.

“Ready?” He murmurs, eyes locked on yours. You deign to reply only by softly keening and grinding your hips down on top of the blond’s, smashing your lips together as you do so. Your teeth clack against each other in the force of the kiss as Dirk takes your response as a yes and removes his fingers, grabbing the bottle of lube to lather his own erection. Before he can do so, you snatch the tube out of his hands, and lightly spread the jelly in teasing strokes down and around his dick for a little longer than necessary until he yanks you back up to him by the hair and licks a long stripe up your neck. His hand moves around beneath you, the other still busy pulling mercilessly on your hair, and you feel him, finally, against your hole.

As he presses inside you, you can’t help the loud moan that escapes your lips, and you decide not to even try to be quiet this time.

“God damn,” Dirk groans in a strangled voice as he slides into you, planting himself firmly in your ass. Oh-so-slightly shaky hands lose interest in your hair and run haphazardly up and down your chest, stroking and occasionally scratching lightly with nails as you both sit with hips utterly still.

Finally you lose patience in waiting for Dirk to move first, and rock your hips slowly up towards him. Dirk’s hips barely twitch up beneath you, and you can see his composure melting off his face entirely. You smile brightly, and sit up to ride him like a proper gentleman.

Dirk’s hands grab your hips like a vice the minute you start moving back and forth on his dick, and when you open your eyes to look at him he’s staring at you, red in the face and eyes hazy. His teeth pull his bottom lip into his mouth as he meets your eyes, and he snaps his hips up a second before yours falter in their rhythm. Your head tips back completely of its own volition and you choke out Dirk’s name as he continues slamming up into you, and when he hits the one spot inside of you, you grip his wrists hard and you think you see stars.

“Shit, Jake...” Dirk’s hand tighten even more on your hips and he mumbles a string of unintelligible jabber he apparently couldn’t hold back anymore. You’re fairly sure your hips with have hand shaped bruises by this afternoon, and you sigh out a “yes” at the thought.

Dirk sits up so that you’re sitting entirely in his lap, and you wrap your arms and legs around him as he bounces you onto him with the hands gripping your hips. Your erection bounces against his chest with every movement, and Dirk mumbles a steady rhythm of “shit, Jake, so good, such a good boy, fuck...”

You feel the pleasure in your groin mounting with the added teasing sensation of your dick against hot skin and you murmur a husky “faster” directly into your boyfriend’s ear.

You hear his breath hitch and then he’s slamming you down onto him so hard you moan with each thrust and your flesh stings each time you come down.

“Oh yes, attaboy Dirk, give it to me, god yes, don’t stop,” you beg as you feel yourself nearing the edge and you grip Dirk’s shoulders tightly, sinking your nails into the flesh of his back. He bites the place in between your shoulder and neck, hard, and you let out a wordless shout as you crash over the plateau of your pleasure and feel yourself spill white up his chest.

Dirk whimpers into your neck as your body tightens around him, and he frantically slaps his hips up into you once, twice, three times more before he’s clutching you hard and shaking, crying out with a stream of inarticulate praise. He stops supporting both your bodies all at once and you flop down onto the bed on top of him. You wince at the feeling of his dick still inside you and slowly pull it out, slumping against your boyfriend’s chest as he clings to you and strokes all over your sides.

Once your aftershocks have faded you wiggle your way up Dirk’s body to reach his head, trailing light kisses all along his jaw. He threads his fingers through your hair and gently pulls your face up to his, and kisses you softly and sloppily as he wraps his arms around your slim body.

You sigh in contentment as the kiss ends, lingering just a bit against Dirk’s lips before you slide down a bit to nuzzle into his neck and tangle your legs together. Dirk strokes your back and leans up to kiss your hair, whispering a faint,, “I love you” into your locks, softly you almost don’t hear.

“Oh shucks Dirk,” you smile against his chest and sigh happily, “I love you too.”

You fall asleep in your lovers arms, his hand softly stroking a lullaby against your back.

 


End file.
